Damn!
Alot has changed in my life since last semester. People really close to me have passed, friends have left and things about my life that I thought were true, only turned out to be partially that way, which REALLY hurt.
I feel like I have turned to materialistic stuff as of recent to replace the big thing that changed in my life. I need to fill that void with something, I have been working almost full time so I have alot of money involved in my life. So I am buying stuff emotionally and on a whim. Spending $ and $ on new shoes or $85 jeans, expensive food etc…
I feel like I am emotionally eating as well, eating everything I can get my hands on, cause I enjoy cooking and appreciate food so much that cooking is a way for me to get away from all the problems I have with myself, self-doubt and lethargy.
I have been so busy that for the last three weeks I have been running after 12 midnight cause I just cant devote the time during the day to do that, and I have lost so much in my life that meant alot to me recently, I cant fathom losing that too. I have to make more time to do that, if it means sleeping at one and waking at seven so be it.
“My life right now is a cocktail of red bull, blood, sweat, coffee, a tired body, a burnt out mind, and a broken heart.” - Riley Schuck 03.16.10